BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY

February 6th, 2010

Charlotte, North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued.. and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company
that the claim was frivolous.

The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from
the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire” and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the “fires”.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART..

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON (Arson is the crime of deliberately and maliciously setting fire to structures or wildland areas.) With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent

Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN America!

How to take care of your wife

February 6th, 2010

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

– You make the bed (+1)
– You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
– You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
– You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
– In the rain (+8)
– But return with Beer (-5)
– You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
– You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
– You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
– You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
– It’s her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

– You stay by her side the entire party (0)
– You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
– Named Tina (-4)
– Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY

– You take her out to dinner (0)
– You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
– Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
– And it’s all-you-can- eat night (-3)
– It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

– You take her to a movie (+2)
– You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
– You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
– You take her to a movie you like (-2)
– It’s called ‘DeathCop’ (-3)
– You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

– You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
– You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
– You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
– You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION

– She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
– You hesitate in responding (-10)
– You reply, “Where?” (-35)
– Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

– When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
– You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
– You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
– She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

How to Stay Young n Happy Always

February 6th, 2010

1. Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight, and height.

Let the doctors worry about them.. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain get idle.
‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’
And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!

4. Enjoy the simple things

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with him or her!

6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourself.
LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

Our Attitude Defines Life

February 6th, 2010

Life is Best for those who want to Live it,
Life is Difficult for those who want to Analyze it,
Life is worst for those who want to Criticize it,
Our Attitude Defines Life…

Enjoy Your Life,
Laugh so Hard That even Sorrow Smiles at You,
Live Life so Well That even Death Loves to see you Alive,
Fight so Hard That even Fate accepts its Defeat….

Philosophies for IT people

February 6th, 2010
philosophy 1

philosophy 1

Philosophy 2

Philosophy 2

philosophy 3

philosophy 3

philosophy 4

philosophy 4

Not all blondes are stupid

February 6th, 2010

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and
bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m ‘completely nude’.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
‘Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!’
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed…

‘YES, YES, I WON, I WON!’

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’

The other answered, ‘I don’t know – I thought you were watching.’

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are stupid.. Not all blondes are dumb, But all men are men.

This is how ” IT ” feels like

February 6th, 2010
It feels like this

It feels like this

Management Stories

February 4th, 2010

Story # 1
It’s a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: “Do you know the time, because my watch is broken”
Lion: “Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you”
Fox: “Hmm… But it’s a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more.”
Lion: “Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed”
Fox: “That’s ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches”
Lion: “Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed”

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: “Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken”
Lion: “Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you”
Wolf: “You don’t expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.
Lion: “No problem. Do you want to try it?”

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene : Inside the lion’s cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES

Story # 2
It’s a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: “What are you working on?”
Rabbit: “My thesis.”
Fox: “Hmm… What is it about?”
Rabbit: “Oh, I’m writing about how rabbits eat foxes.”
Fox: “That’s ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don’t eat foxes!
Rabbit: “Come with me and I’ll show you!”

They both disappear into the rabbit’s burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: “What’s that you are writing?”
Rabbit: “I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves.”
Wolf: “you don’t expect to get such rubbish published, do you?”
Rabbit: “No problem. Do you want to see why?”

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Finally a bear comes along and asks, “What are you doing?
Rabbit: “I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears.”
Bear: “Well that’s absurd !”
Rabbit: “Come into my home and I’ll show you”

Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral: IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world: IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

Boy and Tree

February 4th, 2010

There was one time a very young boy, who used to spend time playing by a tree.

One day he got bored and he said to the tree, “I’m bored, I’ve played with these toys too many times!”

The tree replied, “OK, you can climb up on me and play on my branches.”

The boy got really happy with this suggestion and he had a lot of fun playing and sitting high up, on the branches of the tree.

When he started school, he spent more time away from the tree, but one day he came back to it, and the tree was overjoyed to see its young companion, and it encouraged him to climb on, but he refused.

“My clothes are going to get dirty if I climb up on you.”
So the tree thought for a while, and said, “OK, bring a rope and tie it to me, and you can use my branches as a swing.”

The boy liked that idea, so he did that too, and would come back every other day to sit for a while on that swing.

Whenever he used to get hot, the tree told him to rest in its shade.

As he got older, and moved on to college, times became harder on him and he ran short of food, so he went back to the tree which he had stopped visiting for a long time.

The tree recognized him immediately and welcomed him, but he was hungry and complained to the tree, “I don’t have any food to eat, my stomach is cringing with hunger.”

So the tree said, “Pull down my branches and take off the fruit, and fill yourself up.”

The young guy didn’t even hesitate, but jumped up and tore off one of the smaller branches and ate to his fill.

Over the weeks, he tore off all the branches and ate all the fruit.

After the fruits had all gone, he went away and didn’t come back to the tree.

When he reached his middle ages, he came back to the tree and said to it, “I have been very successful in life.

I have earned a lot of money, I have a huge house and I have found a great wife.

Now I want to travel and see the world.”

The tree was now very old, but to help its long time companion, it didn’t wait, and said, “Bring a saw, cut off my trunk and make a boat. Then you will see the wonders of the world.”

So again, without hesitation the man cut down the tree.

The same tree which he had played on, ate its fruit, laid in its shade; he cut it down and made a boat.

As soon as it was finished, he sailed away and wasn’t seen by his people again.

One day, an old man, walked past the tree.

It hadn’t recovered from the time he had cut it down. He went up to the tree, but didn’t say anything.

He felt the tears coming down from his eyes.

This time the tree spoke in a faint voice, “I’m sorry. I don’t have a trunk for you to climb, nor fruit for you to eat, nor branches of shade for you to lie in. All I have now are my deep roots.”

The old man whispered, “That’s fine. Tree roots are the best place to lie down, snuggle up and sleep after a long life.”

The tree symbolizes our parents, and the boy symbolizes us.

The moral of the story is that we make use of our parents like tissue, and use them all up, and don’t even give thanks, but they stay with us till the very end.

The Boss

February 4th, 2010

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each”

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. “Pfufffff and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.”Pfufffff and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, “I want these two idiots back right now ..” Pfuffff ……….:p

Lesson :- ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST